Two W.E.A.K Dudes

last week, friday evening, i dropped in at the Node Six offices to check on Solomon and the rest of his crew. i found one of his crew wielding 2 dools.  to say i was in bliss would be a humongous understatement. we proceeded to dig up a hole while trying to revise the rules and then the games began.

my God we played dool for over an hour whipping each other left right and center untill i came out on top(yeah who else). now me thinks they should try to introduce dool world cup, i swear we would put uganda back on the map of international sport. we simply just rock at dool, oh and draughts.

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like minty, i have not eaten any pork in a long time, one and a half months to be exact. unlike her, however, my exile from the pork bufundas was not self imposed. i have simply been too broke and i do not want to eat pork of petty dimes like 20k, i want those things of the pork joint wishing you were a daily customer, you walk in and they know they’ve got to order for more pork because “kapo” azze.  i want those things of the proprieter tapping you on the shoulder to wake you up at midnight because they have to close and you were to full to move a toe.

anyway, as i was saying, i have not eaten the ANIMAL in all this time  and am worried. am now suffering from withdrawal symptoms, i sweat and spasm uncontrollably everytime i think of the P1G, you could be forgiven for mistaking me for a fever patient(actually sometimes i think it turns into a real fever). i am looking haggard and all my pork fat is gone, am back to my lean self ,oba. am even thinking of joining her on thursday as she celebrates her one month off meat. but someone just sent me a text a while ago, told me they are planning to kill a whole pig in 2weeks time, so i have decided to keep my pork virginity of almost 2months( yes cheri this kind does grow back as long you abstain for a while) till that P1G sees fire.

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last night i spoke to God, convo went a bit like this:( i was really sleepy so am not sure whether it happened for real or i was just dreaming)

Me: God i really need to move house, and i need a ride.

God: my son, continue to work hard and all these things and even more will come to you in due time

Me: but am working hard. infact am working so hard so i can be able to buy 1k zain airtime everyday so i can enter the draw as many times as possible to win a honda and a house. atte you know they say that those zain guys already know who is going to take each house and car, me i just want you to somehow put me on that list, i mean c’mon we both know your powers know no boundary.

God: eh?? you know i love you and all, but are you saying i should cheat for you??

Me: i didn’t, you did!!

God: (speechless)

so i await tonite’s convo with the Main Man with bated breath. am sure am already on those zain lists.

am outta here, you know it makes sense!!!

peace!!!

so am somewhat tired of the same ol’ hanging out routine that’s goin on in my life.  i spend most of the week in office till late but occasionally attend boring rock night on thursdays simply because some friends always holla.  come friday and i know the whole works, every single place we are goin to go to, and at the precise time. i think it is boring.  saturday always starts off at mateos(only i never go there) or at some bash/party and concludes somewhere in kisementi. so for the past month i have intentionally been busy, laboring under a pathetic illusion of which no amount of failure can rid me, that if i take a while without hanging i will enjoy it afterwards.

now do not get me wrong, i enjoy the company of my friends and the beautiful damsels i occasionally hang out with, am just tired of the same ol’ places and routine. i think i have been to all the cool places in kampala and they aint cool no more. the only thing that seems to get me excited nowadays is the mention of a roadtrip or a trip upcountry, am always up for that kind of rot, it gets my heart racing like fierce venom coursing through its victim’s veins.

which brings me to the weekend past. it had been almost a month of seclusion from most of my friends, it was time to get back to them, i was excited.  at about 8pm he tells me about a bloggers get together organized, i think, by him and her.  ‘course i couldn’t go but i was reliably informed it was on a blazingo (damn, maybe its time i also came clean). anyway about half an hour later i receive 2 separate invites to 2 different parties. i head for one but decide to leave soon as i get there, it was boring. so i head to rubaga for the second party. it was blazing for the first hour until talk of relocating came up, same ol’ same ol’.  i was not impressed, suffice it to say i was in bed by 11.30pm on a saturday night, goes to show that miracles still happen.

so my point??  this routine is boring the hell outta me. i would like to spend some thursdays at national theatre laughing myself silly with my friends in tow. i would like to go check out afrigo some saturdays at obligatto. i would like to attend a poetry show sometime on a friday. i would like to go check out art galleries and attend art exhibitions sometime. i get to do alot of these things either by myself, which is pretty cool most of the time, or with pips whose company i do not enjoy. somehow its the pips whose company i do not enjoy that like the same stuff i do. sucks.  for example, the last time i was at the national theatre was with this chic who was trying to impress me(wat?? you think i got no game, think again, am a top notch P.I.M.P), needless to say i wasn’t. most of my friends think comedy night aint cool, they would rather be chilling at steakout listening to the same rock music they have listened to for the past two years, and do not get them started on afrigo or poetry, they think they are too cool for that kinda rot. i do have a few friends who find that stuff cool, but they are always busy with one thing or another, or they have wickedly early curfew.

so am stuck, don’t want to go through the same routine, don’t want to hang out with gals trying to suck up or boring pips and definitely don’t want to hang out alone all the time. what is a man to do???

kale now,  ivan, solomon, senga and eatv, please tell, how was the bloggers’ mini do on sato, all details awaited with bated breath

oh well, am outta here, you know it makes sense!!!

peace!!!!!!

so there’s this email about sons that make their daddies proud that keeps doing the rounds. its hillarious, all the kids are just upto something wicked( in a good way ). but there’s this particular resplendent one who just kills me, everytime i see him, i think to myself, “if he were my son, i would a damn proud dadda!!” check him out…. chinese eyes and all, looking so cool and suave. killer!!!!!!

killer_boy makes dadda proud

meantime there’s a newbie right here, show her some love.

am outta here, you know it makes sense.

peace!!!

since DK did one on me and decided he was better off promoting his movie so it could surpass the titanic, i have been slow in leaving my potent potions to come and post, but like they say, slow but sure……. now am here to keep this W.E.A.K fire burning like kells.

so last week was idd el mubarak( i think) and after much hustling on my part to get invited to one of the big idd dos i knew were going to go down, i finally received a call on the day from one of the hustlees( does that word exist or have i just created a new word) informing me i was invited for the mother of all dos.  by that time i was still in office(yes nodesix, even us, the weak chaps work on public holidays, its just not you guys alone :D). i sorted out as many clients as i could but my brain capacity was diluted by more important thoughts of all the food that would go down on my account, i abandoned my work.

i get to the do rather late but i was immediately ushered to the kitchen where the lady of the house proceeded to hand me 2 coffee tables telling me i would need them, i was in shock, but not in as much shock as when the food was brought. they had to move me to the dining. these guys had gone and brought me an assortment of foods on all of FIVE plates. i was deliriously excited, my God, i could feel the gleam of excitement in my eyes. all eyes were on me, mostly because everyone else was so full, the sight of food made them dizzy. bellies were hanging out people’s bodies like eyes outta their sockets, you would be forgiven for thinking that all the girls in the house were pregnant. one of the guys looked like he had even lost his lower shirt button, he looked like a belly had just been attached to him and it was not supposed to be his.

anyway i set about my task non-chalantly aware of all the eyes on me, i think one or two of them even had bets on me not finishing the food. as always am to be trusted when it comes to such matters, and i did not disappoint, within no time, all plates were wiped clean, but i can assure you, that food, it was for world cup.

thereafter, i settled down on the carpet between two nice looking moslem belles, and being The Emrys, i was busy regaling them with stories of my past, how i used to brew potent potions for Artorious and that sort of rot, when i received a call from somebody demanding that we go eat pork, and in all my weakness, i blurted the dreaded word out aloud, on idd, of all days. imagine my shame when i turned to face their horror stricken faces. quickly i tried to cover up, by asking, “pot??? which pot are you talking about??”. that got me off the hook and suffice it to say i had to turn down the offer, damn!!!

anyway unbeknownst to me, this mommy of all dos was going down a few hundred metres from my home and i did not know it(yeah the village i stay at is weird like that), so imagine my excitment when i found out. in the midst of my excitement i decide to text DK, to tell him all about it while walking home, next thing i knew, i was in one of those roadside drainage ditches near home, and it had just rained a few hours before, cue the old chic walking behind me running to my rescue and after finding out am alright, she goes “eh mutabaani, oguude mu nga aduyi!!!” loosely translated to “my son, you dived into the ditch like a rebel!!”  MAN!!!!!

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in other going ons, i met a chic carrying one of the famous kaseeros, those sisal baskets some of us used to carry to primary school, it just got all these happy memories flooding back.

am outta here, you know it makes sense.

peace!!!!

Too much drama going on right now, can’t focus on writing any decent (silly) posts, even dark sombre posts, so instead of boring y’all with innuendo, banality and succint-tity, I bid you all adieu, for a while.

I seriously need to sort myself out.

Worry not, I’ll be lurking in the shadows, a comment here and there, and someday, my return shall be triumphant!

*ahem* here goes:

There’s a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple, too
And up in the nursery
An absurd little bird
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
coo-coo But firmly they compel us
to say goodnight
coo-coo
To you

So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

So long, farewell
Au revoir, Auf Weidersehen
I’d like to stay
And taste my first champagne

So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave
A sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye

I’m glad to go
I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float
I fleetly flee, I fly

The sun has gone
To bed and so must I

So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Warning: This is a long post, so if you do not have the time, please do not read, lest your boss gets you. However, if you do have the time, grab a cup of chai and a seat and join me on this luckless journey.

i have been asking myself that question the whole weekend, ok just yesterday really but with lots of hindsight. saturday began well, lots of good unexpected stuff happening until the arsenal match. yeah we lost at home to a newly promoted side, cue me getting a headache and feeling physically sick. i guess that should have been a sign of things to come. i got home late, did the last two slices of bread in the fridge and began a frantic search for my bed, collapsing onto it when i did finally find it.

i woke up sunday with the same headache and 6500/=. i despearately needed alot more dime if i was going to accomplish all i had too on sunday. i did not want to take the risk of having breakfast and further depleting my resources, so i headed straight to church on an empty stomach. spent another 1k. come offertory time and inner me convinces outer me that if i needed more dimes, i should give some to God, cue me moving to the basket with 2k. now this has usually worked wonders for me, i mean most of the times i do that, i end up receiving the exact amount i need, after church.  so after the service, i just hang around waiting for the miracle, but wapi, even God did not want to know me yesterday.  at this point i colud feel the insides of my stomach grumbling away at the lack of anything to digest, its not like i wasn’t swallowing any saliva, heck they could try digesting that. a few more hours and my stomach would be touching my back.

after 30 minutes of hanging around the church kasana(it was too damn hot yesterday), with no miracle forthcoming, i decide to lumber to ntinda as hungry as a bear and as thirsty as a desert traveller.( i stay in makindye). stupid, you think?? yeah me too. but see, i have this deep passion for race cars, and yesterday, well it was the first night race in Formula 1. i had to be their, even if it meant walking all the way home after. besides i knowsome pips in ntinda, and i had a little airtime on me phone.

so i get to michelle’s and sit down to enjoy the race. at this point the bartender assures me i have to buy a drink or something else.(as if i did not know, dude i’ve been doing F1 from here for a while). nothing goes below 1500 at this place and all i have is a measly 3k on me. at this point, my stomach is ACTUALLY touching my back, it was that empty!!!!! so between my throat and my stomach, there was a raging debate going on. the matter at hand was whether to get one of the two cheapest things around, a cold stoney or a plate of plain chips. suffice it to say, stomach had the last word and so a plate was sent for hurriedly to get my neighbor off my case. chic kept eyeing me with shock everytime my stomach slapped against my back. can you imagine i waited a whole 30 minutes for a plate of six chips, ok granted they wer more than that, probably ten at most, at whose sight my stomach growled even more, cue disturbed look from neighbor chic. these were wolfed down in no time at all. i think i set a new record for fastest eater, maybe i should join the Guiness world record.  did i mention that the two drivers i was supporting had hideous luck this weekend as well. the worst luck all season.kimi crashed out, massa got messed up by his own team and yet he was in the lead, now i have to watch as hamilton takes an undeserved title.

Note to reader: please please, if you’re into sports, do not support the same teams as me, this bad luck just seems to follow me everywhere this year.

after the race i made 3 calls hoping to be able to borrow some money. first dude i call up says he is visiting his gal’s sister at school. i curse gal. second dude, before i could say anything, goes, “man Ems its good u’ve called, i was wondering if could borrow some money from you!!”. i laughed so hard i began sweating. not a good sign, coz the more i sweated, the more energy i lost, i needed all the energy i could have.  i just told him all i wanted was to say hey and no i could not lend him any money, unfortunately.  at this point am stranded in ntinda with 1500, so i decide to call someone i knew would not cut me short.  soon as she picks am like, “chic i need some dimes,you are my only hope.” she asks me to wait till tomorrow, she was busy hanging out. heck i didn’t need it the next day, i needed it then. felt like going into a tirade of how am always there for her and the least she can do is chill her hanging out for a while to just get me some dimes. just told her its cool, will figure out something. funny how the pips you always think will bail you out never do, heck even God hadn’t yet hollad. this should have been another sign of things to come, did i see it?? nop!!!

i decide to get into a taxi to town, wait till we are at the park, get out, give the conductor a 500 shilling coin and promptly bolt like Bolt with the conductor giving chase. off we went through a maze of taxis and people, knocking over a few baskets of bananas, till i managed to lose him(by this time, i was near owino market, don’t ask me how i got there). unfortunately, my feet run into a stone, suffice it to say, my big toe is still sorely red.

i finally get home only to realise there was nothing to do there, except drink some water. after drowning me self in half a litre of water i went in search of transi for the next day. now there’s only two pips i can harangue for dimes on my kaalo. i call up the first dude, tell him am on my way to his to get some transi, dude assures me he is catching a leg and he is not to be disturbed till MIDNIGHT!! at this point i have run out of airtime, so i just head over to second dude’s home and even he can’t help me, though he buys me a doughnut and gets me some hot black tea, plus a movie to waste time on.

i head home at about 10pm facing the very dark prospect of walking to work from makindye the next day, thinking of all the shortcuts i knew. not a very encouraging thing i tell you. i even had a vivid dream about this whole affair.  in the dream i woke up early so i could prepare for my trek, on my way to work i meet all these guys i usually just glance at while am in the taxi. these guys are seasoned trekkers and trying to keep up with them was a hustle. i reached town all sweaty and panting my lungs out, while my fellow trekkers were all smiles, they had reached their destination, i still had a few miles to trek.

i woke up with a start, sweating like a dog, my sheets wet from all that sweat. i took a shower, got back into bed and began plotting for my trek this morning and relishing the challenge(as if) of demolishing the lunch served at work the next day. usually, the lady that cooks asks me if need second helpings and i say no, but at this point i was wondering if third helpings were allowed in the kitchen.

Note to self: please make it a point to find out about third helpings as soon  as you get to work in the morning.

i even swore to start liking matooke and rice, which i do not like with a passion. yeah i was that hungry and i couldn’t get back to sleep.

so all this and some other drama got me wondering, have i run out of luck???

did i mention i still woke up with no transi and at this moment it feels like my stomach is steadily drilling a hole through my back. am secretly hoping its posho for lunch today.

in other news, yesterday in church i saw my cousin’s wife’s sister’s bootay!!! my goodness, i thanked The good Lord some more!!!

am outta here you know it makes sense!!

peace out!!!!

I’m aliiiiiiive!!!

Cool corny intro huh?

How’s y’all doing?? You good? Yeah I bet.

The move went well, lots of drama those first two day, but yep, I’m safe n snug in the new cul-de-sac! Pretty funky place too. The rolex dude is practically outside the door, and transi to office is like bibiri (200/=). Although the taxis are a little complicated to get…

First week I managed to save like a ka twenty thou (20,000/=) off the week’s transport!! Cool or what? Except of course, I promptly wasted it over the weeked.

It ain’t been easy though, still got tonnes of issues to sort out, but yeah, Abba rulez!!

You can tell I’m hyper, no?

And I hear BHH rocked?!? Stories??

So, how’s y’all?

Okay, so some of you might have noticed our comments being swallowed (only two apparently). Thing is, Node Six transferred us to one of their new servers, and threw in a fresh new theme as a bonus, custom pimped just for our royal weakness. We were worried our site would be down for ages, but nope, not a blink. Hurrah!

So as they mess around with other template stuff, plugins and geek whatnot, here are a few old links, and blatant promotion on their behalves.

BlogSpirit

See what your favourite Ugandan bloggers are saying!

Blog Hosting: Special Offer!

Get excellent, affordable hosting, with thine own domain name from Node Six. Only 10,000/= per month, special blogger offer. Details here.

Meantime, totally loving the new look!

i was not even planning to post this until i hollered at DK with the story and he died. so anyway here goes.

last night i stayed late in office with me boss working on some accounts. stuff just seemed not to be working out and so we entertained ourselves with the internet in which pics of a certain blogger competed for precedence with graver issues connected with the subject of the accounts we were supposed to be working on. ours were souls in torment. no prizes for guessing which of the two had greater precedence(work of course). during that time we feasted on a bowl of fried gnuts, some black tea and pineapples(these things of being boss, everyone beez wanting to bless you and stuff). Regardless to say, by the time we were done with the blo…sorry work, my stomach was acting up and i was sweating profusely. i hurriedly gathered my stuff, stuff in this case being tissue, just in case i failed to get home in time. i staggered forth to the stage, got into the front seat of the taxi next to this really big lady that was fast asleep. soon as i got in, she promptly changed sides and rested her head on me shoulders and began drooling on me nice shirt, with her hand across my torso, making an already acting up stomach act up even more. tried to move her but wapi, her head was too big, so i figured if the head was this heavy……

my shoulder felt like it was about to snap and i really wanted to pass wind, but i was afraid to pass more than just wind, so i held on as much as i could till i just couldn’t do it anymore. then a brilliant idea went off in my head. i figured i could let it all out and everyone would think it was the sleeping damsel. suffice it to say, i was not disappointed.

so i let it out, and boy did it feel good, the warm relief it left on its way out to torment the other passengers. All i had to do now was wait for their reaction, and i didn’t have to wait long coz after a few seconds the driver was messed up and he goes, “you guys no doing bad manners in my car, if you want we can stop and we give you some more time to finish your business, atte it must be this one sleeping as if she’s under her blanket” cue laughter from everybody else. dude parked the taxi and proceeded to wake up the lady, but this chic was literally dead, it took a full minute to wake her up and get her drooling self of me. the driver served her a tongue lashing she will prolly never forget, though i highly doubt she knew what it was all about. but i figured it was payment enough for her drooling on my shirt.

In other news, my little cousin spots a pirates patch and i envy her. i know its just to correct her sqiunt but i still envy her, she looks too cute.

am outta here, you know it makes sense. peace!!!!